Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
