shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
