found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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