I think my fart just growled at me.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
