cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
