I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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