hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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