So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I need to align my fucking chakras
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
