he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
