What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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