I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
