dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
