You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize