if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
