I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it was like eating out sand paper
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
