I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
