I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize