So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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