I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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