YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
