I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
