He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
