Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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