we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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