So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she peed on how many people?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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