I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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