So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
