You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
