If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
