i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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