someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
