I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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