glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
