If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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