I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
