I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
