umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize