Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize