Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
