I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
