He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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