Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
