dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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