can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This house was built for laser tag.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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