Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This is the high leading the old right now
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
