Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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