The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
