he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
