please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We just shotgunned beers for America
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
