She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
