after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
