I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
