if you like me you must not know who I am
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
