Dude my mom stole all your condoms
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
