you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize