He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
