Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
