The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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