real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
we made out on top of his cat.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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