I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
