Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
