If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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