I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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