I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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