Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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