My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize