Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
