so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
