Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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