She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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